Saturday’s are for brunch with my boy 💖 Grateful that recovery lets me enjoy times like these instead of stressing about calories, macros, and “compensating” afterward. - Happy Saturday, friends!
Self care queens 👑
Had a lovely (and challenging) breakfast of scrambled eggs with cheese / veggies, thick, buttered toast, grapes, and milky coffee this morning! - - I was up earlier than normal today so had time to get this and finish some schoolwork before therapy at 9am. Unfortunately, now it’s almost 1pm and I’m feeling extremely full / guilty still :/ Many days I think I’m doing extremely well with food, but then I have days like today when I do a challenge and then get completely overwhelmed. 🤷♀️ - Oh well, must keep going. Have a good Wednesday, friends! 🌟
Thank you for getting up too early to come to this year’s @neda walk & for always supporting me / my recovery! It may be hard, but every day without anorexia controlling me is so worth it. Eating disorder recovery is possible! 🌟
@superbrentendo gets a gold star for this delicious dinner 🌟
Before & after of lunch at Moe’s, one of my pre ED faves! (TW for following paragraph) - - Pushing forward with more food challenges since dining halls are still closed. This was my first meal of the day, at 4:30pm, which isn’t great. But better late than never! I slept until 2:00pm so my schedule is all out of wack. I used to love Moe’s as a child, but as my ED crept in, I began to purge every time I went. Now, that connection between the taste of Moe’s and purging is so strong, it makes the urge to purge almost impossible to ignore. - - But I am using skills and keeping it down. It was delicious, and I am allowed to nourish myself and enjoy it! Body image is such crap right now, especially because I got new leggings that ended up being too big so I look all rumply with rolled down leggings and a bloated tummy :/ - - Telling myself that this will pass and I am worthy. Now I’m off to Michael’s to get some craft supplies for some good ole’ distress tolerance. Happy Sunday, friends! 💕
Challenged myself to a solo dinner out tonight! 😬 - It’s fall break but I’m staying at my university. All of the dining halls are closed, so I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone to meet my nutritional needs. The last time I was at a Panera I was in residential treatment on a lunch outing - over a year ago. I remember how anxious and scared I was. Thankfully, I brought some skills along with me to get through this dinner. - To add more challenges, my order was made wrong. I even asked a staff member about it but he insisted it was made correctly so I ate it. But I was left unsatisfied. I eventually made myself speak to a supervisor and he remade my order correctly. So, I ended up eating two full bowls of noodle soup and two pieces of bread. My head is going crazy, especially because Panera posts calories on their menu, but I’m trying to remind myself that food is okay! - Have a lovely weekend, friends! 💕
Today’s afternoon snack is a chocolate croissant 🤤 - When I was deciding on my previous muffin snack challenge, I also eyed the chocolate croissants and promised myself that I would get one soon. And a few days later, here I am doing that very thing! Challenging anorexia is terrifying and hard and so so necessary. - - Because I slipped pretty hard with behaviors the past few weeks, eating is a lot harder. It is so true when people say that every missed meal or snack makes the next one that much more difficult. Even though this snack is extremely difficult, I’m reminding myself that eating is brave and I am worth it! - - Happy Thursday, friends! 🌟
Afternoon snack is a cranberry nut muffin inspired by the wonderful @recovery.chii 💜 - Lately I have slipped with behaviors - restricting, compulsive exercise, etc. Thankfully, I had a wonderful appointment with my dietician that helped me remember that the eating disorder is not the solution. - - When I’m in my disorder I am not living in alignment with my values. Although I don’t fully believe I need/want/deserve recovery, I am giving it another try. - Happy Tuesday, friends! 🌟
Hot chocolate makes lunch a thousand times better ☕️ - Remember that food may be tough but you are tougher! Happy Friday’s eve, friends! 💖
So excited to be SMASHING scales & stigma with @drcolleenreichmann ! Stop by the Crim Dell Meadow to get smashing with us and @southernsmash ! And at 7pm, we will both be speaking at a panel in Morton about eating disorder awareness! #recoveryispossible
Happy #nationaldogday to my favorite little lady ❤️ The world does not deserve such a precious lil Sprout 🌱 - 📸 @superbrentendo
Dinner is 1/4 of a watermelon 🍉 - Food is really hard today. I have a dietician appointment tomorrow and I’m terrified of getting weighed. I know that whatever it is, the number will be too much. - - Unsurprisingly, body image is in the toilet. I am trying so hard to use skills and reframe thoughts, but ever since I weighed myself a few weeks ago I am barely coping. - - On top of that, I was so anxious earlier today my chest started hurting? Thankfully I was able to take @sproutthepomapoo on a walk and ran into some friends that are back for the year! It definitely made my day to see people and interact. - - Trying very very hard to not let the thought spirals consume me. This will pass. This will pass. This will pass. 🤞 - Keep fighting, friends. One bite at a time!
Dinner time! Avocado toast 🥑 topped with alfalfa sprouts 🌱 & a poached egg 🍳 + an apple! 🍏 - This dinner was super scary & the thoughts are screaming in my head. Distracting with Netflix & coloring though, with Charlie, the magical recovery unicorn, who reminds me that I can do anything through strength & sparkle 🦄 (swipe -> to see him!) - - The bread I had was so big it couldn’t fit in the toaster, I had to toast it in a pan! It was very delicious, and from a local bakery! I intentionally bought that over store bought because I didn’t want a nutrition label to obsess over. - - Earlier I also had lunch at work, for the first time in a long time. This led to urges to skip dinner. But I’m trying my best to make the recovery choice. - - I’m also seeing a new dietician in August 21, which I’m excited and terrified for! My ED thinks I should lose as much weight as possible before then, so that when she weighs me I’ll be “small enough” for her to believe I have an ED 🙄 Such an absurd & annoyingly persistent thought. - - One bite at a time, friends! 💖
It’s taken me years to get here, and I’m still in shock. Today, I’m proud of me 💖
Lunchin’ on an english muffin with a scrambled egg + veggies, a babybel, greek yogurt with berries + banana + chia seeds, & a milky coffee ☕️ - Yesterday was the year anniversary since I left residential treatment for the last time. I never thought I would make it a month out of treatment without going back, much less a year. - - I still struggle daily but instead of dwelling on those, I want to focus on the positive. Today I have the energy to walk home from class, make myself lunch, and eat it without any support. I am proud of myself and all of the progress I have made 🦄
Old photo of lunch last week I never posted ~ everything bagel with avo, scrambled eggs, salsa, & sour cream + an apple - - Does anyone have any advice about dealing with subpar grades due to mental illness getting in the way? I’ve been struggling a lot and haven’t had the energy or ability to study like I usually do. I might legitimately fail a quiz tomorrow and as bratty as it might sound, don’t know how to cope. How does one forgive themselves for putting their mental health over their grades? I’m so used to destroying my mental health to achieve my goals so this is completely new to me.
Eating lunch even though my head is screaming not to 😐 - ED thoughts & behaviors are higher than they have been in months. Not entirely sold that I want recovery right now. Overall, very frustrated and conflicted. At least this is yummy 🤷♀️